You may be reading this whilst you wait for an appointment with a psychologist.  Unfortunately sometimes it can be difficult to see mental health professionals quickly.  Waiting for help can be really difficult. I hope this article might help somewhat with getting through this period.

Alternatively you might not be waiting for an appointment, but are simply going through a difficult time in life and are looking for ways to cope.

 In either case, I hope the following ideas may help.

In times of crisis our body operates very differently from how it usually functions. Whenever we become aware of or even just think about a personal crisis or difficult situation, the part of our brain which deals with threat releases adrenalin. The release of this chemical causes many changes to occur quickly and automatically in our bodies. They include:

·         Increase in heart rate (feeling of a racing heart)

·         Increase in breathing rate (which can then cause nausea)

·         Going pale or flushing

·         Slowing down of digestion (which can mean changes in appetite)

·         Increased muscles tension (which can then eventually mean soreness for example in chest, shoulders, neck)

·         Dilation of our pupils (in our eyes)

·         Shaking

·         Sweating

·         Tearfulness

Grouped together, these changes are sometimes called the flight/fight/freeze response. This response evolved in humans many thousands of years ago to keep us safe from predators by preparing us to take flight from the predator, freeze so the predator doesn’t see us or fight the predator.

Even though today most of us are usually faced with psychological rather than physical dangers (eg  problems in relationships, study, emotions, work, family, conflict, worry and so on), our brains and bodies still do what they did thousands of years ago and we experience the fight/flight/freeze response whenever we experience crisis or difficult times.

You may be experiencing some or all of these symptoms. Be assured – they are temporary and they are not dangerous to you in any way. They will not cause you to have a heart attack, get sick or make you go insane. They are symptoms which happen to all humans in times of stress.

In the meantime, there are some things we can do to gradually reduce the adrenalin levels in our brain and reduce the fight/flight/freeze response. These are listed below.

Slowing our breathing down is a way of telling our brain that we are safe, and that it doesn’t need to keep producing adrenalin. To do this, simply stop what you are doing, close your eyes for a second and concentrate your attention on slowly filling your lungs and then slowly allowing them to empty. Keep every other part of your body still and relaxed (including your chest and shoulders) and allow only your stomach to rise and fall as you breathe slowly and deeply. You can do this several times a day. It is a good idea to have a visual prompt to remind you to do this – for example put a yellow sticky note by your computer, write a note to put on your fridge, put a sticker on your car dash to tell you to breathe deeply when stopped at traffic lights. Every time you breathe slowly and deeply you communicate with your body: “I am safe. I can cope. I am not in immediate danger”.

You can also take time to slow your breathing down for longer periods of time by listening to meditation CDs (available from your local library or bookstores), going to meditation classes (try ringing your local council for a list of classes).

Your body needs sleep to recover from crisis. As you saw above, times of crisis elicit many physical changes in our minds and bodies. This means our bodies are working especially hard and therefore need more sleep to recover.

 If you are going through a particularly difficult time, try to find time for extra sleep and/or physical rest. I know this is much easier said than done, but if we really prioritise it, often we can make it happen.  Make a decision to go to bed earlier, turn off the computer and TV earlier in the evening, start your “unwind time” earlier in the evening, drink warm milk before bed, use ear plugs/eye masks, organise for someone else to get up to a child, organise to be able to sleep in a little bit later wherever possible or to be able to take some naps during the day. Other sacrifices may well have to be made in order to find more time for rest and sleep and they will often be worth making. Keep in mind that even 15 minutes additional sleep a day can make a difference.

If you are not sleeping well and you have recently been through a crisis, see your GP. They may be able to discuss with you the idea of prescribing medication to help you sleep in the very short term or give you some other ideas to help your sleep.

 Massage helps lower stress. Studies have consistently shown that massage reduces heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension. Many studies have suggested that it reduces adrenalin levels directly.

Many private health funds will cover part of the cost of massage. Even short periods of massage (eg 15 minute massage chairs/services at shopping centres) can be helpful. Partners or friends might be prepared to give you hand or neck massages.

For some people in times of crisis, they lose their appetite completely or want to eat but avoid it because it makes them feel sick. Alternatively, sometimes people in crisis want to binge eat or over-indulge in “treat” food in order to comfort themselves. Unfortunately, both of these strategies back fire and can increase our stress. We need to provide good quality “fuel” for our bodies even if we don’t feel like it.  In difficult times, take care of your diet. Thinking about eating healthy food can be a good, simple and non-complicated task to distract yourself with. It will also have benefits in helping you sleep better, exercise and cope with the day. Try to do the following:

*Eat breakfast
*Eat every three to four hours
*Eat fresh food that comes from the grocery section of the supermarket rather than packaged foods
*If possible, have preprepared healthy snacks/meals available for when you need to eat
*Limit your opportunities to over-indulge in lots of “comfort food” so that you are not relying on willpower too much

Exercise is helpful for our body in difficult times.  It helps use excess adrenaline and it helps release other chemicals in our brain which make us feel more relaxed and happier. Of course it is also helpful for our minds in that it can be a positive distraction from painful thoughts. It can also help us focus on the future and what is important to us.

For all these reason, it is important to prioritise gentle exercise. This might be walking, going to the gym, sports, yoga, dancing, weights training, skipping, running races with kids at the park, exercise classes, push ups and sit ups in the lounge at home, exercise videos or other forms of activity. If you are having trouble motivating yourself to exercise, co-opt a friend to come with you. If you can’t get started,  think of an exercise you could possibly do and then break this task into small “chunks” (eg just putting exercise clothes on, just doing ten minutes, just walking to the park etc) so that you can get started.

Try not to underestimate the power of the suggestions above. You may find yourself dismissing them as not really addressing the crisis that you are experiencing. Most people feel that way. However, once you begin to take care of your body in this way, often you will immediately see the benefits.

 

When we are in stressful situations, our mind will usually be focussed on analysing or mentally “going over” the crisis. And we probably won’t be doing this in a “neutral” frame of mind. Research shows that in times of stress, we are more likely to think about all the negative or potentially negative aspects of our situation.  Therefore, when we are thinking about our situation or crisis, we are likely to be catastrophising, ignoring the positive aspects of the situation, assuming that people are thinking negatively about us and  predicting the future in a negative way. This is what the mind was designed to do – it is a threat monitoring machine and in times of stress, it becomes obsessed with thinking about the negative aspects of our situation and our life.

Although we don’t have full control over this way of thinking, there are some actions we can take to help ourselves feel better and think more positively. These are listed below.

In times of crisis, often we “don’t feel like talking”. We might feel like no-one can help or feel embarrassed to talk about our struggles. Despite the instincts people have at times to withdraw into ourselves, it is usually more useful to share our thoughts with others.

You don’t have to tell everyone all your most painful thoughts and feelings. But it is important to reach out to someone to share at least something of your struggle. It might be as simple as phrases such as “I’m having a bit of a hard time at the moment” or “things are kind of stressful and hard for me right now”. You might like to go further and ask people you trust specific questions like “what would you do in this situation?” or “how do I cope with this do you think”. Alternatively you might ask for particular kinds of help like, “would you mind very much if I just told you about this and you just listened?” or “if you can help me by asking me questions about this situation because I don’t really know what to say or think about it”.

As well as family, friends, teachers, collegues, GP’s , neighbours, church leaders, counsellors and workplace support people, there are also telephone counselling services that you can anonymously call (usually 24 hours a day) and who are staffed by caring, experienced counsellors. Below is a list of telephone counselling services available in Australia:

Lifeline
13 11 14
(24 hour phone counselling)

 Kids Help Line
1800 55 1800
(24 hour professional phone counselling)

 The Salvation Army Hope Line (bereavement support)
1300 467 354
(24 hour phone counselling)

 Mensline Australia
1300 789 978
(24 hour professional phone counselling and referral)

Veterans Line
1800 011 046
(after hours professional telephone crisis counselling for Vietnam veterans and their families)

Mental Health Assessment and Crisis Intervention Service
13 14 65
(24 hour assessment service. If you are worried about the safety or mental health of yourself or another individual)

In times of stress, our instincts are often to spend lots of time thinking about and going over the crisis in our heads. Unfortunately this is usually unhelpful.   It doesn’t solve any problems and it often creates more. Whilst I am not saying you must “stop thinking about” your crisis of difficult time, I do believe it is important to have times each day in which you actively and forcefully distract yourself from thinking about the crisis.

Our minds are very persistent in wanting to go over painful thoughts. This means that to distract ourselves effectively usually requires planning ahead. 

Think about times in particular which you find difficult (eg car trips, during the middle of the night, situations which have multiple “triggers” for painful thoughts, certain days and so on) and plan ahead to actively distract yourself during these times. Plan to have activities, other things to listen to, things to look at, things to think about and ways to keep your mind busy during these times. You will not be able to “forget” about your situation or even be entirely distracted from it for long, but with some effort, you can provide brief periods of distraction from painful thoughts. This is important to do in the short term, to give yourself some time and distance from the crisis in order to cope.

If you are experiencing a very difficult time or time of crisis, your general expectations of yourself and what happens in your life should be lowered. Wherever possible, reduce other sources of stress in your life. It might be that normally you can cope with all of the stress and responsibilities of your normal life, but in times of crisis you may need to give up some of them.

This might include taking short term actions such as: taking time off work, taking extended lunch breaks, reducing study load, negotiating assessment requirements with teachers, sending kids to school with less than perfectly ironed and spotless clothes, stopping to have a coffee/soft drink on the way home from work, negotiating to arrive late for work for a week or two, skipping the lawn mowing for a little while, leaving the house untidier than normal, swapping intense exercise for a gentle walk and many other possible actions.

In reducing other sources of stress in your life, be careful that you don’t reduce sources of positive distraction, potential enjoyment or sources of a sense of achievement.   Sometimes there is a fine line to tread here. Ask the opinion of someone you trust as to how you might do it.

If you have read this far and feel overwhelmed, skim back through the article and just choose one small action to take today. Focus on getting through today, and then reread this article tomorrow and choose one small action to take for that day. If you can manage it, write down one or two steps you are going to take to take care of yourself in the next few days. 

Take one small step at a time. All you need to think about is completing that one step.

I have worked with people who have experienced all kinds of crises over the last 15 years, and have lived through my own tough times.  All my work, experience, knowledge and life allows me to assure you this: however you feel right now – things will change. You will not always feel the way you feel today. Life will feel brighter at some point.

Until then, take care of yourself.

Kirrilie Smout