Number 16
Here is the latest edition of YouthMoves – a news-sheet for people interested in youth issues in
Written and Produced by Kirrilie Smout, Psychologist, Speaker and Youth Specialist
WELCOME
Welcome to the latest edition of YouthMoves, a news-sheet that gives ‘snatches’ of youth news, info & resources relevant to busy people relating to teens.
What’s in this issue?
praising teens
young people watching The Simpsons
useful resources
latest events
upcoming conferences
If you would like to see the back issues of Youth Moves log onto our website www.innovateonline.net
If I can assist your work with young people in any way (by offering counselling services, speaking/training or just answering a question about youth issues), please feel free to phone me on 8357 1711, or email kirriliesmout@innovateonline.net.
PRACTICAL STEPS IN PRAISING TEENS
Teenagers learn more quickly in response to praise than to punishment. As carers, teachers and parents of young people, if we want to teach teenagers then praise is amongst the best tools we have.
Unfortunately, teenagers don’t get a lot of praise. They don’t get it from their peer group. They often don’t get it much at school or at home. We sometimes wonder why young people act negatively or have low self-esteem. Perhaps the lack of affirmation and praise they receive has something to do with it.
How to praise young people? Here are a few ideas to keep in mind.
First, make sure that praise is not always linked to a lecture. Teens too often hear “I like the way you did this BUT….”. All of us in these situations will focus on the negative and the praise will go unnoticed. We need to make sure that at least some of the time when we praise, we resist the urge to add a “lesson” to our affirmation.
Second, we need to be specific about what we liked about the teenagers actions. General statements like “good job”, “love you” (from a parent) and “well done” have their place, but more specific expressions of praise are far more powerful in reinforcing behaviour and increasing self-esteem. Examples of specific praise are statements such as “I was impressed by the way you stayed calm in that discussion”, “your creativity in that essay was superb” and “you are really loyal to your friends”.
Third, we should not expect any particular reaction from teenagers when we praise them. Adults sometimes are disappointed that a teenager doesn’t acknowledge compliments or try to reject them, and so start lecturing about “being gracious” and so on. It is hard for all of us to hear praise at times, and teens are far less practised at it than we are. We need to praise and then quickly move on, rather than getting caught up in how we think the young person should have responded.
Finally, we should be generous with praising teens. We sometimes get caught up in the myth that “teaching and correcting” teens behaviour is more important than praise, or that the two cannot exist together. It is a serious mistake to wait until a young person has done something outstanding, or has ceased all problem behaviour before we praise them. We should be generous with praise and quick to affirm teenagers, even when they have taken just a step in the right direction.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Young people need models, not critics... John Wooden
STATS and FACTS: Nearly 40% of Australian teenagers now attend a private secondary school.
NEWS AND EVENTS
ACER Research Conference 2004: Supporting Student Wellbeing: what does the research tell us about social and emotional development of young people? Adelaide
Me and My Family (Centacare) is a Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services funded program, which includes provision of a safe and enjoyable environment for children aged 5 to 18 years old, who have a parent with mental illness and live in Northern or
The Zoom Awards are organised by the SA Minister for Youth, and encourage youth aged 12-25 years to create a short film exploring human rights issues and their effect on youth. Entries can be received from 29 October 2004 until 8 January 2005. For more information, see http://www.mrc.org.au/ or contact The Media Resource Centre on 8410 0979.
Forum: the simpsons!
Dear Kirrilie. I hate the TV show The Simpsons. It represents all the things about human nature that I can’t stand. My 14 year old son is desperate to watch it however. He nags me every single evening. Up until now I’ve resisted. Should I cave in? From Sick of Hearing About It.
Dear Sick of Hearing About It.
I sympathise! The Simpsons grates on me at times too, although mostly I don’t mind it. Essentially as a parent it IS up to you what your 14 year old son watches. It is a positive sign that you are able to set boundaries such as this one. Many parents find it too difficult to do so and as you put it “cave in”. This sets a dangerous precedent when it comes to other areas of media.
Having said all of this, it might be time to think about changing the rules and allowing him to watch The Simpsons on a limited basis. There are a few reasons for this. First, The Simpsons is an extremely widely watched television show amongst teenagers. It is talked about, joked about and referred to constantly amongst young people. Not watching the show means your your son is excluded from all of these conversations. Second, as your son gets older there are going to be a variety of things he wants to do that you are not happy about. As a parent, part of your job is “saying no”. This can be exhausting work. It is emotionally healthier for you to “pick your battles” and say no to fewer things. The Simpsons is possibly one of the least dangerous activities to let go of.
Third, teenagers need to learn to be discerning about what they watch. They need to learn to think about what they like, dislike, agree with and disagree with. If we continue to protect them from everything, they do not develop these skills.
Good luck in your decision. A small tip: whatever you decide, make it clear that you have made a choice and are following through on this, rather than giving in because you can’t stand the nagging!
Kirrilie
(PS If you decide to let him watch it – watch it with him occasionally.Ask him questions about what he thinks about it –non-judgmentally! – this can open up interesting conversations!)
RESOURCES
HOT TOPIC - BULLYING IN SCHOOLS
Know someone experiencing bullying but don’t know what to do about it? Go to the
KIDS HELP LINE NEWSLETTER
The Kids Help Line newsletter discusses mental health issues for under-25 year olds in a free newsletter produced every four months. To receive newsletters by post or email, email your details to library@kidshelpline.com.au, and archived copies are available at http://www.kidshelp.com.au/research/newsletters.html.
AUSTRALIAN YOUTH FACTS AND STATS
Telstra and the Australian Clearinghouse for Youth Studies have combined efforts and produced this website which provides ‘fast facts’ about Australian youth in many areas.
To access this website, go to www.youthfacts.com.au.
Produced by Kirrilie Smout, Psychologist and Professional Speaker specialising in Australian Youth Issues. Kirrilie is available for keynote presentations, training, counselling/assessment of young people, and offering comment on youth issues.For information please contact Innovate Psychology and Education: phone 8357 1711 or go to www.innovateonline.net
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