Number 25
Here is the latest edition of YouthMoves – a news-sheet for people interested in youth issues in
Written and Produced by Kirrilie Smout, Psychologist, Speaker and Youth Specialist
WELCOME
Welcome to the latest edition of YouthMoves, a news-sheet that gives ‘snatches’ of youth news, info & resources relevant to busy people relating to teens.
What’s in this issue?
- Angry teens
- Tips for helping teens develop values
- PLUS find out about useful youth resources
- PLUS find out about upcoming youth events
- Our contact details
- How to unsubscribe OR join up friends and colleagues to this newsletter
If you would like to see the back issues of Youth Moves log onto our website www.innovateonline.net
If I can assist your work with young people in any way (by offering counselling services, speaking/training or just answering a question about youth issues), please feel free to phone me on 8357 1711, or email kirriliesmout@innovateonline.net.
For information about school seminars in 2007, call Innovate Psychology and Education on 8357 1711 now. Dates are filling fast!
P.S. I am often asked about reprints: Please feel free to reprint articles in school newsletters providing the following acknowledgement is made: Kirrilie Smout, Innovate Psychology and Education, www.innovateonline.net.
ANGRYTEENS
Teenagers, like all of us, get angry. Often, while they are angry, they do things that hurt, disappoint and frustrate us. And so sometimes our response is to try to reduce and diminish their anger. It is understandable that we do this – but mostly it doesn’t work. Anger is in-built into our brains. At a biological level, human beings are designed to get angry. Trying to stop anger is like trying to stop breathing.
The clear message we need to send teens about anger is this: it’s okay to be angry, it is normal to get angry, and we can’t stop ourselves getting angry. Let’s live with that, and let’s accept it. Now, what can we control? One simple thing: what we do while we are angry. In other words, we accept the emotion, the thoughts and the feelings - but not necessarily the behaviour.
When I work with teenagers in helping them deal with their anger I help them see the biological origins of it. I help them recognise and observe it when it creeps up. I try to help the teenager take the role of scientist/observer in dealing with their anger, helping them identify and label it – and importantly – accept it’s place in their lives.
Then we work on what to do when angry. I talk with teenagers about what has worked in their lives and what hasn’t. I talk through the psychological research which tells us about how displays of aggression normally turn people off, and make us feel worse. We come up with alternatives. D – D – D stands for distance, distraction and (playing) detective. Distance means creating space and time between us and the thing/situation/person that makes us angry. Distraction means avoiding the temptation to dwell/analyse/ dissect and ruminate on the thing that has made us angry, and instead deliberately filling our mind with other information and topics. Playing detective means turning our attention to what is underneath our (or others’) anger. Hurt, embarrassment and fear are usually just below the surface anger. When we address these feelings in ourselves and others, anger often dissipates.
We all struggle with anger. And remember that young people have brains that fire up emotionally faster and operate far more impulsively than ours do. We need to help teenagers choose constructive ways of dealing with angry behaviour, and sometimes we need to make the choice for them.
Most of all, we should treat teen anger in a matter-of-fact, sympathetic but non-permissive manner. This means expecting anger to occur and not acting shocked or offended by it. It’s not about us. It also means being empathic. It’s a hard, long, learning process that teens are experiencing. Don’t you remember the rage of being restricted – being controlled – yourself? And it also means providing boundaries for the teenager about what is okay and what isn’t. They need and want this from us.
Thank goodness teens get angry sometimes. This means they are passionate, that they care and that they want the best for themselves. Their anger is a sign of their humanity.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK FROM Dave Barry (American Writer and Humorist, born 1947)
“I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security”
STATS and FACTS: The most important current issues for 15-18 yr olds are keeping fit, getting more education and having lots of friends. Females, unlike males, considered getting more education to be more important than keeping fit.
Australian Institute of Family Studies 2006, Snapshots of Australian Families with Adolescents
NEWS AND EVENTS
Boosting the Sparks: School-based mental health promotion, 20th Feb 2007, Perth, WA AND Kindling the Flame: Promoting mental health and wellbeing, 21st-23rd Feb 2007 Perth, WA: ‘Boosting the Sparks’ is a preconference seminar run by the Australian Guidance and Counselling Association (AGCA), Intercamhs and School Psychologists' Association (WA), prior to the Kindling the Flame conference, which will explore determinants of mental health, and how to develop and implement effective mental health strategies. For further information about ‘Boosting the
The Woolshed, P O Box 84 Ashbourne SA: This program is designed for youth with significant drug and alcohol problems, and offers residential help, helps youth building life skills, and offers drug & alcohol dependence assessment & counselling. For more info, contact Paul Marzon: Ph: 08 8536 6002; email: mazdon.paul@saugov.sa.gov.au.
Children of Parents with a Mental Illness(COPMI), Stepney: COPMI runs a number of programs for children and those working with children who have a parent with a mental illness. For information about these services and resources. See their website http://www.copmi.net.au, or contact Elizabeth Fudge: Ph: (08) 8161 6859; Fax:(08) 81616983; email: fudgee@aicafmha.net.au.
Forum: HELPING TEENS FIND VALUES
What do you do with teenagers who just have no idea what they want from life? I work with teenagers who just say “I don’t know” to any question regarding their future. I don’t think it is deliberate – I think they genuinely don’t know. I want to help them find something to “stand for” but I don’t know where to start.
Welcome to the non-committed generation! Teenagers today see society as changing so fast that it seems pointless to make plans. They want to keep their options open so they are not committed. The way I work around this is to help teens identify what matters to them right now. I help them identify the things they would like to be doing at this moment, the things they don’t want to be doing, the person they want to be, the person they don’t want to be – in the present. I do this by working through various areas of life: The acronym I use to do this is “Proffit” (deliberate spelling mistake, hey it fits with this cohort’s spelling skills!).
P is for Physical – nutrition, exercise, drugs/alcohol, self care. R is for Recreation – fun, relaxation, humour, enjoyment. O is for Occupation– primary role, career/job, education, organization. F is for Family– partner, parents, other family members F is for Friends – relationship with friends, past and present. I is for introspective/spiritual–life beliefs/values/spirituality, solitary time and T is for thinking/intellectual–challenge, having goals, being stimulated. I go through each of these letters with teenagers and ask them to think about – in an ideal world – how would they like each of these areas to be. Once they do this, they often will start to identify some future goals. But if not, it at least guides their living day to day. To be honest, I think this is probably a more important outcome than helping work out a ten year plan.
Best Wishes,
Kirrilie
RESOURCES
HOT TOPIC – DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND YOUTH
Child and Youth Health has put together a series of documents which explain what certain drugs are, the effects they can have on people, how to give up taking drugs, and info on drink spiking. These info sheets can be accessed through
http://www.cyh.sa.gov.au/HealthTopics/HealthTopicCategories.aspx?p=163.
2005
Mission
http://www.missionaustralia.com.au/cm/resources/documents/2005YouthSurvey.pdf.
SURVIVING EXAMS
Child and Youth Health has created ‘Exams: A Survival Guide’ for youth. It deals with numerous aspects of exam-taking, such as what to eat and how to manage expectations. This document can be found at: http://www.cyh.sa.gov.au/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=243&id=2203&np=295#top.
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